Finding a four-leaf clover has become a normal occurrence around the ranch. Between our staff and clients, we have found more than 2 dozen four-leaf clovers in a two week period. Impressive right? During a session, a client and I were walking and I glanced down and in the midst of hundreds of clovers I found another four-leaf clover. I reached down and grabbed the clover, handed it to my client, then took two steps only to spot another four-leaf clover.
The client looked down at the clovers and asked "do you think you have more four leaf clovers this year, or do you think you're better at seeing them?" We both paused for a second to think about the question and then both agreed, the more we expect to see them, the easier it is to find.
As we discussed our strategies for finding the clovers, my mind went racing in another direction. How true is that statement for the behaviors of our children or others with whom we have a relationship? The more we expect to see a particular behavior, the easier it is to find. Gulp...let's read that again. The more we expect to see a particular behavior, the easier it is to find.
How do you expect your child, spouse, friend or co-worker to behave in specific situations? What if part of their behavior is because we are looking for the negative?
"Uh oh...here we go again..." "They always do this.." "This is just like last time..."
This week, challenge yourself to go on a "good hunt" to start pointing out the positive behaviors for your child, spouse, friend or co-worker. It is my hunch that just like spotting a four-leaf clover has become quite common around the ranch, the same thing will happen with positive behaviors with those around you.
Michael Remole MA, LCPC, NCC, NLC-C, EP