“Perfect” Parenting

Tomorrow is our twins first birthday. I can remember one year ago making the last minute preparations for their arrival. Do you know where I spent most of my time...Verizon Wireless. I could not welcome new babies into this world without the most up-to-date iPhone. I needed to have the best camera to capture every picture perfect moment of their lives. I did not need to rest, I needed the best camera & phone for our family. Little did I realize the way in which I spent my day, was going to be a reflection of my boys‘ first year of life.

I have thousands of beautiful pictures & videos of my boys from their first year. If you follow me on social media, you are probably saying, yes I’ve seen all of them. I wanted to capture each precious moment. I wanted to be the perfect parent & show everyone just how great life was with our boys.

I had seen all of these amazing month to month pictures of babies growing up. We bought the supplies & were all set. Do you know how many we actually captured? Three. So much pressure and so much guilt. Am I failing my boys by not capturing those pictures? I have been reflecting on this lately & I have come to a few realizations of my poor display of ”perfect parenting”. One of the primary reasons—The beast called BUSY.

I have given countless excuses for why I am so busy. It’s just a season of life—partially true. It is to help other people—also partially true. But when I really think about it, I am busy because I am not prioritizing parenting. Writing that & admitting that truth hurts & is embarrassing. I am a therapist, I should understand the importance of my role as a dad. Yet the lure of busyness draws me in every time. It is almost as if I wear it as a badge of honor. Oh look how busy I am. Congrats on the busy badge, you’re missing out on your boys‘ lives.

Are you like me in that you say “oh I will never do that“ and then find yourself doing just that? That was me around technology and especially my cell phone. I said “my kids will not be addicted to technology!” And they are obsessed with my phone & TV. Why? Because I am, my second perfect parenting fail. That idea of being the perfect parent is out the window. My boys are not even a year old & they are finding our cellphones & obsessing over them. Recently, while eating at a restaurant, our server leaned over to put plates on our table & our son, Levi, grabbed her cell phone that was poking out of her back pocket. We laughed & inside I cringed. What am I doing for our kids?

Today as I am thinking & dreaming about the future for my boys & what I would like to do differently for this next year of life. Instead of trying to be the perfect parent, I want to focus on being a present parent. Over the next year I want to be real, authentic and transparent and share with you my successes and struggles & what a present parent looks like for me as a dad.